reaching the limit

Have you ever come to the point in a relationship that you don't know how much more you can take? I am reaching that point with my man and yes I have kids with him and honestly that is the only thing keeping me here I don't want to take the kids away from him but should he really be out with his friends almost every night? Is that me being unreasonable even unfair? I feel big changes coming in my life and everyone knows how much I love change (she says sarcastically).  I am afraid that I wouldn't be able to give the kids everything they need if I go out on my own, afraid that if I go I will land flat on my face.  I don't want to move in with my mother but that's the only place I would be able to go to start out.  And I don't want to never see my kids because I have to work all the time to make ends meet.  So I could stay for another year or so until my youngest starts preschool or I leave after little man gets out of school at the end of the month. Or I just live like this feeling like the town pariah because everyone knows he prefers to be down at the bar than at home with me and the kids.  I feel like the next few days are really going to tell me what I should do.  Meanwhile I have been applying for jobs in the area near my moms house and looking into getting a continuing education certificate in business management.  Its a lot to take in all at once I just don't know what to do.    

I refuse to take the train again!!

OK so in an attempt to save money on gas, I took the train back home from a visit to the city. Plus I really needed to get away from my mother we can only stand so much quality time together with out problems. So me and little man took the train home. The trip was long, tedious and boring! So I refuse to take the train again, making it a little difficult to get back to the city for a plane ride to my uncles wedding. So my insane solution to this since Mr. Man said to take the bus if the train was so bad, once again I refuse got my fill of buses in high school. Basically that was Mr. mans way of saying he won't drive us down and my step dad has his head buried in books. He offered to come get us the day before the date to leave on the plane, which is another bad idea that seems like it would be more stress than its worth. Well any way my insane solution was to ask my mother to come get us. This will put my mother and Mr man under the same roof, and they really don't get along so well. And since they are both trying to not stress me out due to last months miscarriage will therefore make it more stressful by completely and utterly ignoring each others existence. And added to that since my mother I think is feeling a little left out since we are all leaving for the wedding she doesn't want to go to anyway, feels that getting us 2 1/2 weeks before the trip to the wedding is a good idea. I was thinking a week would be a better solution, that got shot down real quick. The only good thing is that my mother will go wine tasting with me which is kinda fun to get a sample of the drink all the flavors and textures is actually fascinating. So I will be leaving home 2 1/2 weeks before we leave on the 31st to spend 11 days on this trip and I haven't even figured out how I am getting home yet. Lets all count down to my descent into insanity and my doctor said I need to not be very stressed for the next month, yeah she has never met or dealt with my family. Oh add school work to my stress load and a way to active 3 year old at least my sister will be around to help with him. And I might be having another one eventually Mr. man and I talked about it, OK I talked he didn't say anything back, I decided we would just leave it up to mother nature. One thing I refuse to stress about. I seem to be refusing a lot of things lately must be me attempting to control my life in some way. I am starting to get my energy back and my blood chem levels are also back to where they are supposed to be. I still have a bruise from that blood draw. Well that's the rant for now, keep a look out for another one in the not so distant future.

Kindle Library Lending

Amazon just posted this notice today.

Fuzzy, it looks like you'll be able to start checking out ebooks on your Kindle later this year!  WOOHOO!  They don't list the specific libraries they have "partnered" with anywhere, but I'm suspecting that this is actually a partnership with Overdrive (which already has partnered with the libraries).  If that is the case, then you'll have to come down here and grab library cards to our local libraries with this service to get in on the action.  Hopefully you'll have the same level of access on the Kindle that is available on the Nook; how sweet would it be in your remote location to still be able to browse and check out books to read for free from the library?  I bet you could put audiobooks from the libraries on your new MP3 player, too.

Crazy Family

OK so yesterday was a family get together on Mr Mans side. His aunts, uncles, grandmother and various cousins and the such. And of course little man and I went but Mr Man didn't. So I got the third degree from the family on when we are getting married (never) and when we are having another baby (who knows). That family is crazy, nice but crazy. I did get to play with little mans cousin who is this cute little 10 month old. Well that was my Sunday.

our not so friendly neighborhood kitty cat

Going on

First Munchin go to projectworkingmom.com this is the site that I got my scholarship for medical transcription and it really was easy to get the scholarship and once I get it done I will be able to work from home, just an idea.
Next I will not be able to come down to the city for the next couple months Mr Man has decided that the pass has to much snow on it and the temps aren't getting high enough for me to drive over so no visiting for the next few months till the average temperature gets over 40 degrees. This means that Little man and I will be alone for 5 days starting Wednesday. What fun oh what fun. I will figure out the business tax stuff hopefully. I have to call our business account bank and find out where our money went. Its there I think just in the savings account.
Well that's the short so unless I can get someone to come get me I can't come over no diving for me thinking of asking my step dad but drought that will happen since I can't pay for gas.

Hows it going

Well how is everyone doing? I like the new look of the blog very fall and we already have some color changes up here. I'm trying to get photos ready for the festival thing we are enrolled in this next month. I had a job interview at a Karate school as an office manager I don't think I got it but I will call him Monday and find out. Well that's the down and dirty about me. SMILE.

Fuzzy

Attack

Well my three injuries have happened glad to have that over! I massively sprained/bruised by foot and ankle falling down some stairs. Fell over some bricks in my front yard getting a nice slice in my other leg probably should gotten stitches didn't, and then I had a girl scout land on me when I was running the climbing wall at work completely messing up my back those girls need to listen to directions like telling me when they are coming down. Well that's over we will what the klutz comes up with next! Working on the online store not as fast as I would like but I am trying I promise. Little man and I will be visiting this weekend to have some fun and do some business stuff. Oh and little man decided to see if an entire roll of toilet paper would flush down the toilet guess what it doesn't. And my fish are trying to eat each other for some reason I just can't figure out which one is doing it and no I don't know their names. And my plants are dieing because I have no Garden to put them in because Mr Man is working 12 hrs a day 6 days a week so he has no time to help me. And it just rained for 2 days straight and the river is running even higher here come the floods. Well that's the down and dirty on my life what everyone else up to? See who I will see this weekend.

Fuzzy

We are Coming

Look out girls we are (little man and me) coming to visit town! If I can get the Tahoe working all that wrong is the battery and we need to buy one. I just spent the day running from store to store all morning and cooking all afternoon! And News flash I can still ride a bike I'm sorta shocked.
While we are visiting I will be having a garage sale at my mothers house the weekend of the 24Th. I also want to take little man to see how to train your dragon that movie that's in theaters I think he will do very well he likes the dragons. Well if anyone want to do anything let me know in town April 19Th to April 26Th or so.

Buckets

OK this is going to sound funny but I need buckets, good quality 5 gallon buckets. And the place to get said buckets are a King Soopers bakery. The bakery has good quality buckets that hold the icing for the cakes and cupcakes. And when they are finished with them they usually throw them away or give them away to the people who ask. I am hoping that if anyone finds themselves in a super market with a bakery can take a couple minutes to ask if they have any buckets. I need them for moving and storing rocks and dirt. I have a lot of yard work to do on this house. And well with Easter this weekend you all know those bakery's are using a lot of icing. Well if anyone collects buckets let me know and when I get back from Mr Man's Nana's house, out of state of course. I will be able to come and visit to get said buckets.

It's Christmas before Thanksgiving! Yay!

Ladies,

Yesterday I came back from a meeting at work and found the following message on my phone from my husband: "Hi Alula, I hope you get this message before you go out to lunch because Credit Card Company X pissed me off so I canceled the card a few minutes ago. I hope you didn't need it for anything because if you did I guess you're just screwed."

Yup. They "pissed him off" for refusing to remove the late fees he generated by being a slacker. And I am the one who gets "screwed" by all of it, apparently, and didn't get lunch. That's my life.

And I am supposed to write a final paper today (an annotated bibliography, actually), but thanks to the incredible stress I'm feeling having to pay all of our bills out of my college fund for the next however the hell long until Mr. B decides on, orders, and receives a new credit card, I am declaring Christmas before Thanksgiving.

Thoughts on the new blue-spring-night-whimsy theme I hunted down based on Fuzzy and Munchkin's suggestions?

Hang in there, Fuzzy--you're in one of the most difficult situations I think I've ever encountered in life. It's never been easy for anyone I've ever known who had to decide to stay or go, because both of the options suck, and there's not much to do to change that. No one can tell you what is the "right" thing to do here. But we love you, and we love little man, and we'll do whatever we can to help you out as you try to decide what path to take in proceeding.

Alula

Lonely...I'm so lonely...

I'm sitting here listening to my Blue October channel on Pandora, being lonely. I looked through a friend's wife's photo album of their kid born last July, and suddenly realized, I think, why people have kids. Damn she looks happy.

No, I do not want one anytime soon. (Nor am I drunk right now. Yeah, I can see you thinking it!)

But I am is sick of school. My give-a-damn's broken, as it were, and I think I'm okay hitting an 80% for my final projects this semester--none of them are particularly inspiring to me.

However, I have been given a lovely opportunity at work to beta a really cool product that's getting released to the public on December 3rd, and that really has been inspiring. I swear I love this job so much it's the only thing keeping me in school through these rough times.

Today we had the first big Christmas craft sale of the season, and Q really raked it in yesterday. Today was a bit of a bust due to heavy snow last night and this morning keeping the crowds away. We collected a bunch of cards and I had personal conversations with some of the crafters, getting email addresses for our online site. Fuzzy noticed early on these people don't like the word "consignment", because those businesses "screw them over." All in all, a pretty successful endeavor, as it looks like there is a lot of interest in such a site.

But I am now in an overly sentimental mood and my husband leaves again tomorrow. Poop.

And I have homework to do. Double poop.

I'm going to write a book this week. And I'm probably going to put up the Christmas decorations on the site early. I'm sorry if this annoys anyone; read my post on Slacker Productivity for the reason why this happens every finals season, and doubly so during holiday sentimentality.

Change of Plans Again

OK so to anyone who wants to be at Little Mans party I just found out that Mr man will be bringing us down on the 28Th next week and I'm thinking about having the party on Friday night the 30Th something simple. Well I just need to know what people think I need a best day Friday night or Sunday night? Too many choices my brain is going to explode.

Random Thought

OK I don't know if i told anyone this but has anyone noticed that a guy from the city or the suburbs is thought of as a city boy, but on the other hand a guy from the mountains is thought of as a mountain man. Boy/Man see the distinction? So girls here is the question do you have a city boy, mountain man, or something else? I have the mountain man who is sitting in a tree stand in Nebraska for the second weekend in a row determined to shoot a white tail buck with his bow of course apparently shooting an animal with a gun has no challenge according to him. I get to go hunting at the end of November with him for a land damage tag happy birthday to me. Don't forget we are having a B-day party for a little man on the 1st of November. He doesn't really need much but he absolutely loves Mickey Mouse Club House and Little Einsteins the Disney shows and the toys. Anything Musical and anything with buttons to push, including mine. I can always use clothes he is into 3t/4t sizes, and has his dads big head and hates anything around is neck so no turtle necks like cloths. And I guess if anyone can find his size goggles, he will be going snow mobile riding with his dad this year. Oh and if anyone wants to get him a preschool computer game for windows vista that's what we have and my mom keeps letting him play reader rabbit at her house I just haven't found one yet. Gifts for the party are not required and only get him something if you really want to you know he will be more interested in the box a present comes in than the actual present. I will be having a house warming for the new house next month sometime that will be interesting considering there is no parking around this house at all. Well something to think about next month. Smile all.

One Day at a Time

Alula all I can tell you is for you to take one day at a time. And Enjoy the good things that come your way. Above is a picture of my little garden my zucchini are taking over and my tomato plants (not in the picture) are getting really big. Lots of random things in this garden like some onions and strawberries even my lavender is growing. Now if Mr Man remembers to water the garden in my coming up absence from the house. Little man and I will be coming into your area next Saturday we will try to convince Mr Man to go to the Flea Market Sunday and then the big water Park on Monday. I just have to get little man watched on that Monday he's just too little to be going to such a big water park and I love my mom but I don't think she will be able to keep up with Little Man. So then Mr Man will be coming back home and to the garden, I will stay with my mom and leave for a family reunion in Florida on the 29Th Thu the 10Th. And then Mr Man will Have to come get us because he doesn't want to be without the car for that long. Who knows how much longer that truck is going to last. And if anyone wonders for this trip to Florida Mom will be on oxygen a cpap for the plane, Nessy the "Service Dog" will be going on the plane actually with us not in the baggage area, and Little Man is going as a lap Child for this very long flight. Please wish me luck that I don't completely loose my mind, not that I haven't lost it already. Well fun and games, one day at time.

fuzzy

Dried Apples

So here is my problem I'm trying to dry apples in my new to me dehydrator. I want the apples to turn out not brown and the research I found says ascorbic acid would work better then lemon juice, but I don't have a clue as to where to find pure crystalline ascorbic acid. So if anyone has an idea please let me know!

Fuzzy

and Strawberry Days was a let down not nearly as big as it usually is. So you didn't miss anything besides the Boy riding on a kiddie train all by himself.

No Canceling Birthdays

Sorry Q but their isn't a way to cancel a birthday unless you want to be unborn. Plus I don't think people want to cancel birthdays until they hit their 30's few years to go yet. Or get a man like mine who doesn't pay attention to birthdays at all.

Anyway I quit my job and now my boss has me working 6 days this week I'm starting the 3rd day today and then I get Friday, Saturday and Sunday off. and just have to survive next week till Saturday and I am walking away and not looking at another food service job again no matter how desperate I get.

whats new

first I don't know any chicken recipes that are actually good just bleh. Sorry about your rat Alula and congrats on the new car Q hopefully its good for you. Well lets see for me whats new I really want to quit my job because it is horrible but I need to stick with it for a little longer just a couple more bills to pay off then I can quit and Mr Man said he would pay my insurance and all the bills because that's still cheaper than paying for a babysitter. And bills paid or not I will have to quit come hunting season because Mr man has trips planned for California, Idaho, Nevada and a few other places this fall. Next month he will be going to Florida to go deep sea fishing with some buddies, shark meat is supposed to be really good. My mom is planning to come up for that week to be my babysitter because her daycare kid is gone for the summer and Bug will be at camp, plus it gives her an excuse to make Bugs dad act like a dad for a while. I'm still hoping I can find an online job that I can do to earn a little money but most of the ones I find look like scams. Little man is doing great decidedly a little boy loves being outside though it has rained for the last 3 days giving this child cabin fever. Yesterday was a little nice so we all went out on the ATVs with Mr mans little brother. Of course as newtons law requires it started to rain and hail on us at the top of the trail we were on. So just because I felt like it I called in sick today actually I called in my kid is sick though he is doing fine. My schedule had me off for two days work one day and off another two days well I don't like that idea so I called in. OK little man is demanding attention so I have to cut this off now.

fuzzy

Week of the Sisterhood

It's finals again and I'm tired as all get out. Emotional, too.

This week I got to see all of you, which was a rare treat. If Fuzzy had been able to make the wedding, we all would have been together for the first time in who knows how long--even so, I'm still glad I got to see all of you.

DoHP, you need to move back, sweety. We all miss you more than you realize. You can stay in our front room cheap, and we'll find you a job. You can have your own bathroom if you're willing to deal with our OCD cleaning nueroses. I can't even tell you how much you were missed after you left--they way we all kept staring at the empty spot on the couch. This time around, the couches were full, and it was good. Plant those black eyed peas I sent you home with, because we need to break your black thumb curse. And thanks for not killing my orange trees.

Munchkin, congratulations on getting married. I can tell you it's the most frustrating and rewarding thing you'll ever do in life. Just remember--that first year is a doozy. Everyone thinks they will be different, but the first year is hard. It's like dating all over because suddenly you think he's going to change, and he will, but probably not the way you want him to. Just weather that first year, and as a subtle recommendation, don't add pregnancy hormones to the mix. One year either way won't make a difference at this point, and when you're screaming about dishes or trash removal or money, he won't be able to throw it in your face that your just hormonal.

Fuzzy, when did that boy get so big? Seems like just yesterday I was sleeping on a wooden hospital bench at 3am while you were sitting there in the worst pain of your life, trying to bring new life into the world. Remember when we were like 12 and we rode our bikes around the block? Remember when we read Animorphs? Remember when we used to get dropped off and picked up together in middle school? Kiddo, you need to move back too. I don't see enough of you anymore, and I really want to know your kid.

And Q, these last few weeks were really special. I'm sorry if I creeped you out with all the smiling--I just kept looking up and seeing you and Mr. Q, all cuddly and together again, and the two of you just look so happy. You're a different person when he's around; it really is like the two of you own a piece of each other, because I can tell when he's been away too long. You fake smile a lot and you're a little hallow when you talk. This past week you really smiled. You really laughed. And you looked really, really happy. I'm happy to have my old Q back, because when you shine, the rest of the world does too.

Alula

Rant About Work

Ok so we have a new assistant manager and the deli I'm working in he is the assistant manager for the whole store so he really shouldn't be sticking his nose in the Deli but he is. He is making us label everything in the hot case and we don't even have the labels for the hot case with the right price on them. He also is making us keep up with the two hour rotation even for things like corn the then after two hrs and being just fine to eat gets thrown in the trash. But the cap on his stunts has to be he tried to fire a coworker of mine for missing two days of work she was sent home the first day for looking like she was going to pass out then called in the next day. and she was sent home by the general manager. the assistant manager told her that next time she misses two days she has to bring a doctors not and my coworker being her loud mouth self told him when he gets her enough hrs to get insurance she would bring in a note. apparently he just walked off and the next day he was moved to a different store for some training. The next good thing is that our cash register at the deli keeps on coming up exactly 20-30 dollars short at night so apparently if it keeps happening they are going to write up the entire night shift because apparently it our fault even though the register is not changed out between the morning, day or night shift. I hope they just get rid of the stupid thing. Ok rants over at least until I work tomorrow.
My other problem is that there is not a used book store in this entire valley. So I might just have to go to Grand Junction next week and get some books, if I have any money next week that is and if I can find one. I can't afford to keep buying them new. ok kids awake

Fuzzy