It is now (officially) a month since I first started feeling ill. In retrospect, I'm wondering at the fact that it happened right after I graduated, and had a sudden resurgence in the last week of my job. I blew out an eardrum, then had a wicked cough and sore throat, and this week, nausea, aches, and fatigue.
I'm beginning to work on a new theory here (it's not pregnancy--yes, I'm sure), because I'm starting to think these symptoms are in part psychosomatic. I think my body is physically rebelling against my not being in school and over worked; I went two years being swamped with relatively good health. Even being overweight, I had great scores on my cholesterol and blood pressure, and that's something coming from a family history that's horrifically bad on both fronts. Now I'm sleeping, watching television, catching up on reading, and have time to write and publish--so why do I feel so crappy?
Every time I sit down to write I feel like I need to be doing something; mostly, I think I need to be finding a job. I think I put in 10 new job applications today. I finally have my husband's full support to focus on getting published, and after years of dreaming of doing just this, I suddenly have some subconsciousness need to avoid. Last night I stayed up until after midnight researching jobs and property in Montana (would I *really* do it, now that my education isn't in the way? I have no idea).
Munchkin, thank you for agreeing to hold the whip on the publishing cause. I need it. Until I adjust to this strange new way of life, I need someone providing structure for me.
Alula
1 comment:
The psychosomatic stress induced sick is a real thing. When you're all stressed out your immune system goes into hibernation and as soon as the stress goes away, it can over react to what it has been exposed to.
I did the same thing with the sick every year after school got out. And right after the thing with my car.
It will take time to adjust to being done with school. You've been a student since you were 5. You're having to adjust to a whole new perspective on life. I'm still not sure that I've adjusted. The piece of paper sitting here saying that I'm in the 92nd percentile of people that want to be pharmacists that I haven't done anything with is evidence for that.
But you'll get it.
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