Tastes like victory...

Today I met with my an advisor for the PhD program I'm investigating. She thinks I'm a good fit to apply to the program. I think I'm a good fit for the program. I can apply to start in the Spring because my work offers tuition reimbursement, ahead of the students who are applying for full funding in the Fall.

On the way home, I stopped at the Wendy's where Q and I used to stop at when we picked up dog poop for a living. I got some chicken nuggets and fries and sat in the lot where we used to sit, eating my chicken nuggets and wearing an outfit composed of new cloths I bought for my conference in DC two weeks ago (also comped by my work).

Dog poop. That was my job the last time I ate there, and then I was wearing dirty jeans with winter frozen bells and a sweaty shirt. That was just over a year ago, too. I used to eat chicken nuggets while hauling dog poop in the back of the car. Now may way is paid. I have an income that pays for school, and my husband's school (if he ever applies and gets accepted), and then some. In DC they put me up in a hotel room bigger than my first apartment in college.

I thought about what a difference a year makes. Thank goodness I had faith that things could change, and I had the support system to chase my opportunities down when they presented. Thank goodness for school advisors who forward job listings and employers who recognize potential. Thank goodness for friends who believe in me.

For any of you out there still waiting, just remember that it can happen. Things can change drastically, very quickly. Just hang in there.

Alula

What kills computers makes them stronger.

My computer is dead.

Long live my computer!

So, would one of the computer guys mind looking at a hard drive out of scientific curosity? It just completely failed, for no explainable reason (there was a power flicker early that day, but it worked fine afterwards), and I just want to know what the heck happened. Of course I gave up on the data.

But I used this, setback, to make some upgrades. about $400 later, I have a "new" computer with Windows 7, which I think, for an operating system is entirely lovable. It makes sense for people who have used windows all their computing lives, and stuff is in logical spots for people who have never used it before. Vista was too user friendly. It assumed you were stupid and couldn't handle stuff yourself and that it should protect you from all the bad stuff that could install on your computer like virus protection. And that you wouldn't understand what it was doing while installing or detecting a network, so it wasn't going to show you. Windows 7 shows the stuff, and like the first option in the "getting started" menu is "Turn off UAC"

And it's pretty. *goes to stare at sparkles*

Huh, that's strange

So, my desktop. A rather nice computer, built it myself, only about a year and a half old. It experienced unprovoked catastrophic harddrive failure.

My dad and I could not come up with any thing to do for it other than reinstall windows. But that was going far slower than windows installs should, so I'm off to look for upgrades. Maybe even Windows 7.  Totally not what I was planning on doing this weekend.

And yes, we tried the, use a different cable, use a different port, use a different mother board, thing and nothing recognises this drive. And of course it's my boot drive.

We are Coming

Look out girls we are (little man and me) coming to visit town! If I can get the Tahoe working all that wrong is the battery and we need to buy one. I just spent the day running from store to store all morning and cooking all afternoon! And News flash I can still ride a bike I'm sorta shocked.
While we are visiting I will be having a garage sale at my mothers house the weekend of the 24Th. I also want to take little man to see how to train your dragon that movie that's in theaters I think he will do very well he likes the dragons. Well if anyone want to do anything let me know in town April 19Th to April 26Th or so.

Tahoe fix

Well I want to come to town in the next few days to go thru my room at my mothers before her ex-husband moves in and tosses all my stuff. But what I am waiting on is for my boys to fix the Tahoe so that it doesn't die at random times like praying it starts every time its turned off. I need the bigger car to move stuff. My guys are hoping its just the battery not something more serious. I will also be organizing a garage sale hopefully with my sisters help. So if anyone wants to add stuff that live in the area just let me know. And yes Little man will be coming with me.

New "Disease"

Hey Ladies,

I have been seeing a new allergist and he as been running a slew of tests. A few weeks ago I was diagnosed with vocal cord dysfunction, it is not really treatable other than breathing exercises; but it explained why my asthma meds were not helping me breath sometimes.

My doctors English is very poor, so communication has been a hoot for the both of us.

So today at work I was taking my lunch and took a moment to check my voice mail; Its was Doctor calling to tell me that my CT scan from two weeks ago showed that I have Tracheomalacia Its a big fancy work that means the cartilage in my throat is weak, I am not sure how bad it is because I had to hear to the message five times to figure out what it was called. He did call it moderate and I should be hearing from a Otolaryngologis very soon. The treatment for this does not sound all that painful so I am looking on the sunny side.

Q

Living Dangerously

I'm down in Colorado Springs visiting my husband at work for the weekend. I'm going out of town next week to give a presentation in DC at AAG. Last night, we met with our friends down here in the Springs (you all know them--the ones that own the publishing company...?).

Anyways, we were talking about hitting the metaphorical wall in life, and how I have yet to hit said wall. According to my friend, when you hit the wall, you drop everything and have a critical fail. She believes I'm in trouble of hitting said wall with all the crap that's happening in my life. But here's the thing: I don't ever think I will hit the wall. I keep piling on school and work and hobbies and family, and the wall never appears. I just keep going, and part of me wishes that I would hit the wall, just so I know my limit--like where "enough" is, because I have never found "enough." And it's like all of this stuff happens to me--I sign up for classes and then lose half a semester taking care of my extremely ill husband, and I'm still going to come out of it passing all my classes. And writing half of a novel in the process. And hardly missing 10 hours of work, and receiving offers from researchers who now want to work with me in the future.

I'm not looking a gift horse in the mouth, but does this seem normal? I feel like I've rolled in the crap heap of life over the last few months and I'm still coming out smelling (relatively) like roses. And it's not the first time it's happened, either...my first semester of grad school was probably worse what with the births, the deaths, the marriages, etc., and I still managed to get things done. I guess I'm feeling a little too powerful and sure of myself, and I want that wall: I want to know exactly where my limit is, because not knowing is scaring me.

How much crap can I take, exactly? I feel like I need to know, because once I do, it will be enough somehow--like getting full.

So, with regards to hitting this wall, and my seemingly destructive need to find my wall, my friend believes I have somehow channeled the "risk taking gene" that we hear about in various studies into doing the most seemingly productive tasks I can until they eat me alive. I'm like Eval Knieval, but because I'm physically fragile and have no physical addictions, I'm taking risks in loading up on academia. She thinks I'm zapping myself physically by trying to feed my need for risky behavior with as many productive activities as possible. Weirdly, this makes sense to me--it explains why I needed an MA, and then two MAs, and then working 30 hrs while getting those MAs, and now a PhD...Mr. Borealis has been telling me he's afraid I will double PhD, because it seems like something I would do.

It does seem like something I would do. Of course, my friend being a publisher, her solution is that I channel my risk taking by showing my writing to the world via her publishing company (who didn't see that one coming...?).

So anyways, I decided to see if any of you think this is plausible (that I'm secretly living out my need to live dangerously in the most geeky way possible), and to test the theory.

Today, Mr. B and I went horse back riding. I'm not supposed to do this because of my weak and easily dislocated joints. The last time I was on a horse was when I was like 16 (we won't count Santorini, because that was technically a donkey), and I fell off and hooked my left leg in the stirrup and got dragged for 20 feet, ripping up the knee surgery I had done 7 months earlier. After a 3 hour ride, my butt feels like it's been attacked by a crazed nun with a ruler the size of a two-by-four, and my body feels sore and weak all over, but I had a great time (pictures to come). My horse tripped and did a chest dive into the ground (and I got it on VIDEO!!!) and I didn't fall off (the horse and I were both fine). Aside from the horn on the saddle punching me in the stomach and the bruises on my hands from grabbing the saddle, it didn't even give me a rise. There was seriously no adrenaline. The event rattled the guide and my husband, and I didn't even get butterflies.

I am beginning to believe there's something to the theory that my ability to judge risky situations, or the way I respond to them, has become non-typical in the last few years. I'm wondering if I hit the wall, would I even feel it?

Alula

Buckets

OK this is going to sound funny but I need buckets, good quality 5 gallon buckets. And the place to get said buckets are a King Soopers bakery. The bakery has good quality buckets that hold the icing for the cakes and cupcakes. And when they are finished with them they usually throw them away or give them away to the people who ask. I am hoping that if anyone finds themselves in a super market with a bakery can take a couple minutes to ask if they have any buckets. I need them for moving and storing rocks and dirt. I have a lot of yard work to do on this house. And well with Easter this weekend you all know those bakery's are using a lot of icing. Well if anyone collects buckets let me know and when I get back from Mr Man's Nana's house, out of state of course. I will be able to come and visit to get said buckets.