My life at 3 a.m.

Mr. Borealis is sick again. For any of you who remember, it's what he had in high school that put him in the hospital for 10 days. He has ulcerative colitis, a condition where his body starts attacking his digestive system, and it causes severe digestive issues and complications (...and I will caveat here that this is not to be spread around, because Mr. B doesn't like people knowing, so pretend you don't know if you see him). I'm freaking out because it's the same time of year, same symptoms, same everything--he's been sick since Christmas now, progressively getting worse. What I should say is that he's been unable to hide his symptoms since December, and when the Librarian and I asked him, he said he's been having trouble since Thanksgiving, when he got a minor flu. When I pressed him and asked if this was what was up in early September, when he wouldn't tell me why he was suddenly disinterested in any form of physical affection (this happened in high school too, which is what sparked the question), he said he "may have been having issues since that point." So, my husband's digestive system has been in slow shutdown for four and a half months, and the only reason I found out was that he started getting up for the bathroom (both ends) three or more times a night and his bloodwork from his physical came back showing he was "under nourished." The doctor has him on a pretty drastic medicine regimen now, and said if he doesn't improve in the next week it could be "really bad."

I don't mind mentioning here, I am afraid. I am really afraid. My husband is 6'2", and the last time this happened, his digestive system shut down completely and he dropped down to around 100 pounds.

School has got me being a really crappy wife. How could I have missed this...aside from the fact that every time I asked my husband lied throw his damn teeth saying nothing was wrong? I knew something was going on. I thought he was stressed out at work, because we were both stressed out. I dropped a class this semester and now I'm taking 8 graduate credits and working 30 hours a week.

I'm trying to distract myself with writing, which kind of works. I keep waking up in the middle of the night and worrying about stuff I didn't get done around the house because I am always running between work and school. Last night I had the realization that we were down to one roll of toilet paper, so shopping just got bumped up the totem pole. I also have to buy food because Mr. B is now on the famous BRAT diet--bananas, rice, applesauce, and toast--until his system recovers enough to deal with real food.

I talked with my boss about my future last Wednesday, and the probability of staying on at work after I finish my M.A. and M.L.S. He said if I can get into a PhD program, he does believe he could keep me on as a student employee (the doubt in the situation has to do with department funding). So I've been shopping, and my top programs so far are looking like Illinois (program in Library and Information Science), NOVA Southeastern in Florida (Computer Science and Information Systems), and CU Denver (Computer Science and Information Science).

I'm a mess.

Alula.