Decisions that Suck

Most of you know that two weeks after Lexus died last January, we found a small tumor growing on Clover. Judging from most rats we've known, we didn't think much of the tumor because there was a high chance she would die of other causes before the tumor was ever big enough to be a concern. Because of the way Lexus went (seemingly natural causes/old age), we didn't think Clover had more than a couple of months in her anyways. Two years is pretty good for a rat, and these two were litter mates.

Well, now Clover is two and a half years old. The tumor is slow growing, which is a blessing, because it's still pretty small--maybe the size of a large marble. She isn't in any pain. People talk about rats walking around with tumors bigger than the rat itself where the tumor doesn't cause any pain. The rat eventually dies of starvation because the tumorous mass saps all the caloric intake and costs a lot of energy to haul around.

When Lexus had a tumor, we had it removed because she was still young. The issue here is that Clover is at least 75 in rat years, and I don't want her to be in pain. At this point she has less than a 5% chance of making it another 6 months. Her life is coming to an end. I don't want her final days to be spent in a great deal of pain recovering after surgery (Lexus faired well because of her age, but it's a big incision for such a little body--see the picture here). I don't want her to die hauling around a mass and hungry all the time. And at the same time, I don't want to take my happy pain-free rat into a clinic and watch a doctor gas her to death. But the point of putting the rat down is to keep her out of pain, so I don't want to wait until she's in pain to do it.

I lose. However you cut it, this situation sucks. Either I kill an animal that doesn't need it or I wait too long and she dies in pain. Her chances of surviving anathesia and surgery at this age are slim.

Sucks.

I finally admitted this is going to suck and called the vet today. I'm desperately hoping he says we have more time to wait. I would really love not to make this decision. As bad as it is to wish death on a pet, I would feel a lot better about this if I walked downstairs one morning and found that Clover had just passed on in her sleep, not in any pain, and me not needing to decide when it happens.